Play/Pause

Since the beginning of the year, I feel like my life has been on Pause.

I worried this would happen after I finished the marathon. After going week, after week, after week having no real time to reflect or evaluate on my life, the comedown is hitting me hard. As I told one of my friends, even the job, which was normally a pain in the ass, was bearable because I was so busy running from activity to activity.

Play. Play. Play.

The thing about being constantly in Play is that you don't have a clear sense of what the journey is, where you are headed, and why it's the right path.

Was I just Playing On Repeat?

Same soundtrack, same scenery, same story?

It's not that simple.

The soundtrack definitely changed, but the scenery hasn't. And the story? Well, that has been the hardest of all to shift. But for the time-being in 2013, I'm working on changing the scenery.

Sometimes I wonder if my focus on the soundtrack and scenery is just an excuse to delay attending to the story... That maybe if I change the story, the need to change the scenery disappears? It's so hard. And the cryptic allegories don't make it any easier.

But this is not for you to understand. At least not right now.

Back to being on Pause. Pause is good as long as it does not turn into Stop. Stop is even worse than Play because it means you've let the fear conquer you. No goals, no ambitions, no drive. If you ever feel like you're in Stop, I want you to fucking snap out of it, quit feeling sorry for yourself, and get your ass in Play. Fear is paralyzing, but you need to Start Something.

Don't get me wrong, 2012 was a great year. But I want 2013 to be even better and the only way to do that is to look at the big picture, adjust, and push Play again.